


The Pictorial

by revelant



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Acting, Alternate Universe - Photographer, Consensual Sex, F/F, Infidelity, Lesbian Sex, POV First Person, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2018-10-04 05:06:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10268924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revelant/pseuds/revelant
Summary: An affair with Bae Joohyun was the last thing Son Seungwan expected from her photography session with the up and coming actress.





	1. Uno

**Author's Note:**

> Another chaptered WenRene story.  
> Inspired by the lyrics of:  
> Ariana Grande's Into You  
> The Weekend's Die For You & True Colors  
> Duke Dumont's Ocean Drive

How did _this_ happen?

How on Earth did I end up in bed with _her_? Staring at her as she sleeps face down. Admiring the peachy tone of her skin, the sensuality of her flawless silhouette. Pearly sweat drops, previously poured out in the heat of unrestrained passion, are scattered all over her naked body. The temptation to run my fingers over her back is irresistible.

So slick yet smooth... How does her skin taste like after sex?

What is wrong with me? Why do I find the natural saltiness of her sweaty skin so tasty? It's just skin. And yet the longer my tongue savors her, the harder is to stop.

How did _this_ happen?

This. Me getting consumed by mindless desire.

Me getting consumed by _her_.

Bae Joohyun.

The girl laying next to me is not an ordinary girl.

Banging the currently most talked about model-turned actress in the country is considered a privilege by her admirers everywhere. And that privilege is supposed to belong exclusively to one person in particular.

Ahn Chilhyun. The renowned CEO of the same entertainment company that launched her career. People like calling him Kangta, a stage name he used in his youth as an idol boyband member.

It's been said that he single-handedly chose Joohyun out of a thousand candidates who auditioned for a modeling post offered four years ago. Since then, he carefully crafted her career to stardom. Last year, they were revealed to be dating and have constantly been ranked among the most influential celebrity couples in the business.

Surely her fans envy the man a lot.

And yet, here she is.

In _my_ bed after letting me touch her in places only he is supposed to touch.

How?

The answer is still not clear in my mind. But a thought slips in between. A memory.

 

I was staring proudly at one of my best photographs hanging on the wall alongside many others. It was my first exhibition. The hall was filled with press people, some celebrities and regular visitors.

While waiting for a waiter to offer me a glass of champagne, two fingers tapped my shoulder blade softly.

 _"Excuse me? Are you Son Seungwan?"_ A soft, demure female voice caressed my ear.

I recognized her immediately. How not to? Her face was in almost every corner of all the cities across the country, advertising a wide range of products from cosmetics to home appliances and even insurance companies. And recently, gracing the big screen with her perfectly proportioned facial features.

 _"Hi, I'm-"_ She extended her hand for me to take.

 _"Bae Joohyun?"_ Bowing deeply several times only made her laugh.

 _"Please, stop."_ She grabbed my arms to keep me straight. Her eyes were slightly squinted forming half moons and her lips pursed as she tried to stop herself from laughing.

It made the temperature in my cheeks and ears start rising.

 

Was it then that I fell for her?

No, I was just embarrassed. I mean, anybody would have blushed at the sight of that amused face, at the sound of that cute giggle, at the touch of those soft, thin hands over one's clothes. Anybody would have found her endless, eager compliments to one's hard work and her declaring herself a big fan of it an honor, not just me.

 

Stop kissing her back or you'll wake her up for real.

 

Was that a snore?

"Hah."

Bae Joohyun snores. Softly. But she snores.

"Cute."

Anyway, time to get out of bed. Where is my Marvel navy blue tee? And my panties?

 

Ah. Here they are, and her... bra. I didn't notice it's lace, and from a very expensive brand. How could I've noticed it, though? At that moment strip her naked as fast as possible was all that mattered. God, her breasts against my palms... against my lips... it got her nipples erected in no time. But that didn't stop my tongue from playing with them as much as it pleased me. She didn't protest. On the contrary, she cradled my head, begging for more.  

Perhaps if she wakes up right now, we could... No! Enough, Seungwan. Enough. Just let her sleep for a while. Put your clothes on and leave the room.

 

Should I cover her with the blanket? She might get cold.

Oh my god... what would I give to photograph her like this? It's like a painting of Aphrodite sleeping naked in her lover's bed after sating her lust. Is this a dream? It must be.

Wait. What is this magazine doing here? I don't remember putting it on my bed table. Ah! This number. My pictorial was featured on the cover...

 

_"I would love to model for one of your pictorials someday. You always come up with meaningful and aesthetically complex concepts. I'll talk to my publicist if you don't mind."_

It was an honor to hear such offer, but I could not express my feelings properly because at the same time, her warm fingers were squeezing mine while her thumb slowly rubbed my knuckles. And her touch took my breath away the seconds it lasted.

Funny how such particular detail is hard to forget.

Looking back, I was truly elated after she bid goodbye that day. Like a stunned fangirl when she sees her favorite idol for the first time.

Jessica destroyed my ears with her dolphin-like screams recriminating me because I didn't set a date for the photo shoot right after Ms. Bae had made the suggestion. Sorry, Jess. You might be the editor in chief, but it's up to her to decide whether to grace your magazine with her beauty or not.

 

Page 137. Here she is. Staring into my lenses with disdain, looking rather vulnerable in her big sized satin purple blouse.

**Breathtakingly gorgeous: Bae Joohyun up-close and personal.**

Pretentious title. The concept was _'Au Naturale'._ The magazine wanted me to depict the most intimate side of Bae Joohyun. Yeah, right. In reality, they just wanted her to spill the juicy details about her private sex life - which she expertly avoided doing - while using my pictorial as an excuse. Just enough skin exposure to tempt the viewer. Keep it classy. Same old. I would have opted for a more eclectic concept, but well, it was Jessica's word the one that mattered, uh. Maybe another time.

To be honest, these pictures came out a tad more erotic than intended.

 

_"Do you want me to unbutton it? I-I am not wearing a bra."_

There was a worried tone in her hesitant voice during the first take. Bae Joohyun was surprisingly shy for a seasoned model of her caliber during our first session. She blinked repeatedly, unable to hold her stare when talking to me for too long, and I swear there was a dash of pink tainting her immaculate cheeks.

Was she like this with every other photographer or only with me?

_"You don't have to if you feel uncomfortable. Just relax. I need you to."_

 

Staring at the pictures with more care, nude make up suits Joohyun way better than any other type. Her naturally long eyelashes stand out easily whether she closes her eyes or keeps them open. No need for eyeliner.

There was no problem whatsoever in finding the right angle. Her facial proportions are as symmetric as the ones of a mannequin. Incredibly photogenic. Truly Aphrodite incarnated.

 

_"So, what do you think?"_

I couldn't help but to get nervous waiting to hear what she'd say when checking the last batch of pictures on the monitor.

 _"Perfect. Miss Son, you're gifted. You really made me look good."_ Her voice was barely audible yet so clear. She had her eyes on the screen and a satisfied smile on her small lips.

And then she did it again.

That soft, slim hand touched me again. This time, she rested it over my shoulder. And it made me shiver.

I was obviously enchanted by then. But in no way imagined that something could happen between us. She was already taken. By a man. So most likely, she was straight.

Unlike me.

I could only watch and admire her beauty.

Contrary to my expectations given her status in the industry, she did not act as a diva throughout our session at all. 'Polite' and 'elegant' are pale adjectives to her demeanor. No wonder every advertising company thirstily offers her endorsements left and right. Her reputation is impeccable, which translates in an engorged resume.

 

_'It's been an honor and absolute pleasure, Miss Son.'_

She bowed to me gracefully before exiting the studio escorted by her personal assistant.

_"Let's meet up some time for coffee, perhaps?"_

My suggestion made her big brown eyes light up. She seemed pleased when she looked back at me and said,

_"I'd love to."_

 

Was is then that I fell for her? During our _date_?

A fancy coffee shop downtown seemed like an appropriate setting. Smooth jazz music playing lowly through the small speakers hanging on the wall and the smell of hot, aromatic caffeine relaxing our senses. Frankly speaking, I don't remember all the things we talked about, but she asked a lot about me. At times, it seemed more like an interview than a casual friendly chat. She was oddly interested in the most ridiculous details of my personal life. The moment she asked me if I have ever dated a guy, I hesitated. How to tell her that the sole idea of the hanging phallic appendage between a man's legs approaching my body disgusts me?

There was no need to elaborate, she shifted the subject as soon as she heard me stutter.

_"You have them very short."_

_"What?''_

_"Your fingernails."_ She extended her hand and grabbed one of my fingers.

 _"Oh. Yeah. I like keeping them short."_ Her thumb stroked the edges of my nail while my fingertip rested over her index finger.

 _"It's actually blunt enough not to hurt my skin."_ Her strokes grew faster, testing my nail's sharpness.

She suddenly let go to check her own fingertip, a satisfied smile on her lips was drawn right after she verified that it was indeed intact. She looked genuinely happy and it amused me.

A lot.

Did she have any idea what that made me think of?

Probably not.

_"You have very cute hands, Miss Son."_

_"Yours are very soft."_

The way she looked at me as soon as she heard my words and felt my fingers caressing her palm made me realize that I had spoken too soon.

How could I not see it before?

The _thirst_ in her eyes.

 

I'm an idiot. This is all wrong. I knew it the moment I invited her to my place right after we finished our coffee. I knew it the moment she stopped admiring the hanging portraits dispersed in my living room and playing with my Polaroid camera to suddenly take my hand...

_"Wow! Our hands fit each other perfectly."_

I had to stare at her lips and second her almost in a whisper.

_"They do."_

It's all damn wrong. I completely ignored her relationship status, and didn't hesitate to ravish the hell out of her as soon as she wrapped her arms around my neck.

 

This is scaring me. I've never had an affair before. How to handle this any further? Should I send her off? Or should I let her stay as much as she wants? No, I can't do that. What if someone comes and-

 

"Seungwan-ah~"

She woke up. Put the mag down and tell her to leave.

"Seungwan-ah? Hmm~ I fell asleep."

Damn. Her moaning turns me on so badly.

She stretches her arms and rolls around the wrinkled blankets. Why does she have to be so cute and sexy at the same time? I hate this.

"Seungwan-ah. I like calling you like this. 'Miss Son' is too distant. You don't mind, don't you?"

"I think that after what we have done, honorifics are unnecessary."

Her hair is like silk slipping through my fingers.

"That was so good." She purrs like the naughty kitten she turned out to be.

"You wanted to get off so much, it knocked you down, ha?"

Me and my fail attempt to be snarky. She doesn't seem to care, thought. Instead she pulls me by the arm making my body fall on top of hers. Wrapping her arms around my back and tangling her legs with mine, she pulls me even closer and now her soft breasts are pressed against my clothed ones. Ugh, why did I put my t-shirt back on?

"If it were just that, I wouldn't have come to you. I know how to touch myself." She quirks an eyebrow and her eyes travel down from mine towards my lips.

"This must suck for your boyfriend. Don't you think?"

My blunt question immediately erases the playful smile from her lips and instead she purses them.

I have to send her off. But, she just slid her hands underneath my tee and they feel so soothingly warm and soft, it doesn't let me think straight. No, I must insist.

"What if he finds out?"

"Shh." She coos close to my mouth. "Can we please not talk about him now?"

Her eyes plead as well. But I have to know somehow.

'If you didn't just want to get off, why did you come to me?'

"Because I like you." She places a fluttery kiss on my lips. "So much." She kisses me again. "And you like me, too." Now she kisses the tip of my nose. "Don't think I didn't notice the way you looked at me when we first met."

 

Damn.

So, _that_ is how it happened.

She knew it all this time. She had it all planned in advance.

 

What's that chirping sound? The door! Who knows the password code of my front door? Shit. It can't be.

"I hear heels clacking. Who is it?" Joohyun whispers.

"Shh."

Why is she here? I can't let her see Joohyun. I can't.

 

\--------------------------------------------


	2. Dos

"Wan? Are you home?!"

 

It is her. Why on Earth is she here?

"Hide under the bed, quick! And don't leave the room until I tell you to. I'll be back soon."

Joohyun just stares at me wide eyed.

 

What can I say? Feign to be sick and ask her to leave? No, she'll insist to stay if I do that. What can I say? What can I say? She can't find Joohyun. No, that can't happen. In any other circumstances, I would have welcomed her with my best smile. But not now that there's a naked celebrity hiding in my room.

 

"Ah! There you are, Wan. At first, I thought you were still working and your place was empty." The inopportune girl reaches out and hugs me tightly. "I missed you so much, my cute tiny squirrel."

As soon as she lets go, her mouth drops at the sight of my bare legs.

"Well, well, well. What do we have here?"

"I was taking a nap."

Lies. Suddenly, my specialty.

"What are you doing here, Sunyoung?"

"Sorry, Wan. My manager gave me two days off before the second leg of the tour starts, so I came to see you."

Perfect.

"Y-you want to stay here?"

"No. Unless you want me too. I left my luggage in a hotel. I can check out."

"No, it's fine. Don't bother, please."

My face must look very anguished, despite my attempts to keep calm, because now she is frowning. And that is not good.

"Wan, are you OK?"

"Yeah. Why?"

Sunyoung's eyes start wandering around. Can she stop and leave, please?

"For nothing." She smiles back at me all of the sudden.

That was close.

"You're hungry, I suppose."

"Oh, yeah. My stomach is grumbling." She groans and rubs her belly.

"Go the kitchen and grab whatever you want. I'll catch you later. I need to-you know." My hands point at my lack of proper clothing.

"You're a sweetheart, Wan." She pinches my cheek before following my suggestion.

Is she gone? Alright, time to find Joohyun and take her out of here before Sunyoung finishes her meal.

 

What? Where is she? I told her to stay here.

Where are you, you naughty little thing?

"Wan, can I eat the kimchi inside your fridge?!" Sun-young shouts from the kitchen.

"Yes, of course! Whatever you want!"

A sweat drop runs down my temple. I need to find Joohyun now.

Is she inside the walking closet, perhaps? Better go check it.

"Joohyun?"

Two hands cover my eyes from behind.

"You bad girl! You scared me. Ah, you dressed up already. Good. You need to leave now."

She's laughing. Why is she laughing? It's hard for me to lower the volume of my voice and yet she giggles, looking unexplainably calm and playful.

"Who is she? Is she your girlfriend?" Joohyun pouts while sliding her arms around my neck.

"My girl-no, no, no, no. She's not-don't think I would. She's just-"

"Relax." She snorts softly, sending me that teasing smile of hers again. "You don't have to explain me anything." She stares at my chapped lips and coos. "But I'm glad you try to."

Her low pitched voice and half lidded brown eyes enrapture me.

I already see myself desperately lifting her creamy thighs to wrap them around my waist, carrying her to bed so my lips and tongue can madly enjoy hers as my eager hands pleasure her to ecstasy.

In other words, a perfect opportunity to screw it all and go straight to Hell.

But I must resist and hold onto the last thread of sanity I have left.

"Joohyun, please listen to me. This is all wrong. We cannot longer-"

"Your girl will find me soon if I don't leave now." She cuts me off and grabs my hand to carry me outside.

She's right. There is no time to waste in explanations. "Let's go."

The loud, sharp sound of her hand slapping my left butt-cheek freezes me.

"What the-What was that for?"

"You have no trousers on, Seungwan."

Damn. Right. Joohyun tries to muffle her laughter. She's totally making fun of me struggling as I put my clothes on with the ability of a toddler. I feel so stupid.

"C'mon, take me..." Her hands run down my arm, her longing stare tempting me once more. '...take me outside, Seungwan.'

That knowing grin again.

Such a tease.

 

Holding hands, we both try to make the least amount of noise possible while walking through the living room. Thank God the kitchen's swinging door is closed. Sunyoung can't detect us.

Now if only this door could open without making a sound.

Shit. No, please. Too loud.

The kitchen's door is still closed. Agh, this is so stressful. I'm sweating already.

"Relax, it's OK." Joohyun rubs my back in what seems her attempt to calm me down.

It actually works.

Once the door closes behind us, she fixes her attire and puts her handbag around her shoulder. Now how do I send her off?

"Listen. I'll walk you out to take a taxi. I'd give you a ride home on my bike but it's being repaired at the moment and-"

"You have a bike?" Her eyes light up after hearing my words.

Why did I have to mention my bike? Always trying to show off with pretty girls. I'm helpless.

Amidst my unspoken regret, her delicate fingers cup my chin.

"Seungwan-ah..." A helpless sigh escapes her lips. "You're a dream. An absolute dream."

Her voice is so soothing, like a magic spell, and her eyes...

God, her eyes...

"Don't worry, I can handle it from here. Go back inside, or she'll notice your absence."

"I'm really sorry. I'm-"

Without warning, she presses her gorgeous lips against mine, stopping my apology.

Eyes shut, I taste her. She's so exquisitely sweet, my body aches with desire.

But it's over now.

Soon, she is inside the elevator blowing me a kiss before the door closes.

 

She... She likes me. Why on Earth she likes me? Why?

Still can't wrap my head around it. I just had sex with Bae Joohyun, and she said she likes me. But she's not single. This is all fucked up.

 

"Oh Wan, aren't you hungry? I made rice. Sit, I'll serve you some." Sunyoung promptly stands up to bring an additional bowl the moment I enter the kitchen.

"No, it's OK. I'm not hungry. Thanks."

Why did Joohyun seem so carefree? Can't she realize that it's dangerous? She's so popular, if anyone finds out about this, it would be the end of her career. Foolish girl. Why risking what she got with a lot of hard work for a sinful night? Why didn't I stop her? Why didn't I stop myself?

My head is pounding right now. Dammit! Why did she look at me like that? Was she mocking me because she knows that she turns me on so badly?

"Wan?"

"Yeah?"

"Is this the first time you fuck that girl?"

Sunyoung's question feels like an ice cold shower. A cold sweat and the sensation of being completely naked invades me. If only the ground could open and swallow me entirely.

"You-you saw us?"

She shakes her head. "I didn't need to. You were in your underwear, looking unusually agitated and upset. Plus, the place reeks of expensive perfume. The type you don't usually wear. It wasn't hard to guess. She just left, no?"

I nod slowly and she continues. "Well, was this a one night stand or you two have been dating for a while?"

"I won't see her again, Sunyoung. I swear I won't." The shame is so unbearable at this point that tears start running down my cheeks.

"Hey, calm down, Wan." She approaches to hug me, but if she does, I'll start crying.

"Please, don't." I don't wanna cry. I won't cry.

"What happened with this girl, Wan? Why are you so nervous? Look, I'm nobody to judge your sex life. People have one night stands. It's not a big deal."

"It is when the person is already taken."

There is no need for me to confess this to Sunyoung. But, her sharp intuition disarmed me instantly, making me feel trapped, unable to take it anymore.

What is she gonna say now? If she's gonna yell at me, so be it. I deserve it. But she doesn't. Instead, she remains silent, standing close to me, waiting to hear my explanation.

"S-she-" My throat clogs, forcing me to swallow hard to keep talking. "She has a boyfriend."

"What?!" She stares at me in disbelief. "Wan, why? You've never-"

"I know! I've never done such a dirty thing before! But, she-she said she likes me, and I didn't think it twice. I don't know why, all I know is that I lost control. She's so irresistibly hot and I'm an idiot, I know, I know! It shouldn't have happened. We won't see each other again. I swear to God, Sunyoung. I won't see her again."

"Who is this girl?"

I cannot tell her that. It's way too risky. I cannot do this to Joohyun. I cannot bring myself to ruin her perfect reputation for a stupid mistake I'm half responsive of. I cannot.

"I'm sorry, Sunyoung. I can't tell you that."

I can't stay here.

"Fine. I won't insist." She grabs my arm to stop me from leaving her side. "Just don't see her again, Wan. You can get in trouble otherwise."

Sunyoung's big eyes show her genuine concern towards me.

From the moment we first met, she has always taken good care of me. I guess being a year older made her assume the role of big sister seriously. She was the first person I talked to about my sexual orientation since I came to Korea. I trust her. I really do. But, for some reason, I cannot tell her that the girl is Bae Joohyun.

"I won't see her again, Sunyoung."

"Promise?" She insists.

She takes a deep breath after I nod in silence, and then smiles at me. "Let's change the subject, OK? I don't want to see you dwelling on this anymore."

She lays her hand over my back and starts stroking it. But I'm still restless.

"Remember when I told you about my manager suggesting me to change my stage name?"

"I don't understand why, to be honest. What is wrong with the name 'Luna'?"

"That's exactly what I told her. But no, she wants to change it to an English name because she thinks fans won't understand what it means." Sunyoung huffs.

"There's Google for that, no? Your fans even dig on your personal information, this is a piece of cake for them. Besides everybody is already familiar with that name."

"Right?" She sighs. "But she doesn't get it, ugh. Don't you want to be my manager instead?"

"Haha. Sure."

"For real though, why don't you take a break from work and come with me? I really miss you, Wan. The guys from the band are cool and all, but it's not the same. Besides, this way you can forget about the forbidden fruit faster, don't you think?"

Sunyoung's suggestion sounds tempting.

As much as I want to deny it, Joohyun was right. I like her. A lot. Damn, the sole memory of her lustful gaze still burns me inside. I need to get over her. I need to forget that I ever touched Bae Joohyun. I might have had her once. But I cannot dare to crave for a second time. Like Sunyoung just said, she's forbidden.

"Think about it tonight, Wan." My understanding friend walks out the kitchen and gathers her belongings. "If you agree on this, tomorrow you can talk to your boss and pack your things at night."

She stands right in front of me and hugs me one last time before leaving the house.

"Trust me, Wan. It will help you."

I want to believe her.

I really want to.

 

 

\--

 

 

"Now look straight into the camera, please."

The red haired model follows my instructions immediately.

"Give me a smile. The most spontaneous smile you can give. C'mon."

She follows suit. But for some reason it is not working.

 

_"Let me take a picture of you."_

The image of a giddy Joohyun - Polaroid camera in hand- straddling me on my living room's big couch appears on my mind all of the sudden.

_"Why?"_

_"I want to have something that reminds me of you."_

 

"Miss Son? Am I doing it wrong?"

The tall girl appears worried due to my sudden lack of response.

"Yes." My voice aggravates. "It looks forced. I need you to relax. Try thinking about something really funny that you've experienced recently, please?"

While the girl takes a brief moment to think about it, my mind keeps playing games with me.

 _Her_ playful laughter resounds inside my head. There's a childish, carefree charm to it, it's contagious and even endearing.

 

_"Give me the picture, please. Why are you laughing at me?"_

_"I'm sorry. It's just... you look so cute. Let me keep it, please."_

She surely juggled a lot trying to prevent me from snatching the photo out of her hands.

 

The model is back and takes her spot.

"Are you ready now?"

"Yes, Miss Son."

This time around, she does it right.

"Good, good! That's what I was talking about."

Three additional shots and the session is over.

 

"What did you think of when smiling this time around?"

"Oh! I thought of my boyfriend, Miss Son."

"Your boyfriend makes you laugh?"

"All the time. He's the funniest guy ever. Unintentionally, of course. Every time he wants to compliment my appearance, he says the cheesiest things and I end up cackling."

"I see... well, it worked."

"Thank you, Miss Son." The model smiles shyly and walks away.

I should check these pictures now. If I manage to select the ones for the catalogue, I might start editing them soon.

The cheesiest things, huh?

 

_"You have a very beautiful smile, Miss Bae. You know that?"_

_"Uh, Miss Son, that's so cheesy."_

_"Is it?"_

_"Yes. But I like it. Even when it's a lie."_

_"No, no, no, it's true, I swear. Your lips... They are one of the main factors behind the beauty of your smile. Naturally rose tinted and smooth as a feather. Thin but well defined. Makes me want to run my fingers over them."_

_"Do it, please."_

_"... so soft... I confess I'm having such a hard time trying not to kiss you right now."_

_"Well, you don't have to hold back, you know? I'm dying to kiss you, too."_

 

Why do I love torturing myself so much? Why am I remembering every goddamn detail? How tender her lips felt the first time she pressed them against mine. How the mere contact ignited a fire that still burns me inside out.

It wasn't long until she let me explore the warmth of her mouth. The addictive touch of her tongue inside left me breathless and hungry for more.

She was as desperate as me. Hell, at times her intensity blew me away.

 

Uh, I can't keep thinking about this. I have to work. There are a lot of pictures to edit today. And if I want Jessica to let me take a break, as Sunyoung suggested me, I better finish this quickly.

But why? Why I keep seeing _her_ in my mind?

 

_"Put them inside me... I want you to make me come."_

_"Have you ever done it with a girl before?"_

_"No. But you're making me feel so freaking good, I want to do it with you."_

 

Having sex with Joohyun was a real treat. And I tried my best to pleasure her as much as possible. Pacing each one of my movements according to her demands. Enjoying her flavor, my tongue stroked every sensitive spot to arouse her as two of my fingers teased her entrance steadily.

I still feel her walls throbbing around them.

So tight...

So wet...

so warm...

I swear to God, she liked it. Because her back arched and her legs started moving erratically, I almost thought she would crush my head in between. Her grip on my scalp tightened, hurting me a bit.

And her heated moans...They are the most sinful sounds I have ever heard.

I miss her.

So damn much.

I want her to make those sounds for me again. I want to be inside her again. I want to taste her again. I want her to enjoy my touch again. I want to have her again.

I want her now and it's killing me.

What was that?

Ah, the computer mouse fell on the floor. So noisy.

Shit. I have my hand between my legs. Has anybody noticed it?

No. It doesn't seem like it. Nobody is looking my way... no... nobody.

"Ugh." What is wrong with me? Since when I masturbate at work?

So embarrassing. I have to go to the bathroom.

 

This has gone too far. Way too far.

 

 

There's Mr. Kwak coming. He just smiles at me when I bow slightly to greet him. Keep smiling, Seungwan. Nobody has noticed you were touching yourself, calm down.

 

I can't believe myself. Here I am washing my hands and face to cool off because I couldn't help getting horny at work. Pathetic.

"It's over, Seung-wan. Don't be stupid."

Forget her. She's taken.

It was a mistake. I should not think about her any longer.

Take a break. Accept Sunyoung's offer and leave the city. Stay away from Bae Joohyun.

She's... dangerous and forbidden. That's what she is. Forget her.

I should go and talk to Jessica now. Let's end this once and for all. It's for the best.

 

 

"Oh! Miss Son, I've been looking for you. Miss Jung wants to see you right this instant." Yerim , one of the new interns, intercepts me.

What a coincidence! But, why does she want to see me now? What did I do wrong this time?

 

"Did you send for me?"

"Yes. Close the door and sit." Jessica's voice does not sound severe, but hasty.

I suppose I can wait for her to finish whatever she wants to tell me, and then I will ask her about the time off I want to take.

"How close did you get to Bae Joohyun?"

Why is she asking this? Does she know, too?

"W-why you ask?"

"Because I just got an exclusive invitation to her movie premiere tomorrow night, signed by Bae Joohyun herself, for you."

She hands me the small white envelope.

It is her signature... oh God, no.

"You're going, of course." Jessica stares at me, her eyes never looked more alive.

 

What the Hell am I supposed to do now?

 

\--------------------------


	3. Tres

" _There will be a limousine waiting at your residence to take you to the premiere and the after party. Please confirm your assistance no later than today at 6 p.m_."

Jessica deviates her eyes from the invitation card and stares back at me. Her gaze is filled with disbelief and curiosity, and I don't know what to do.

"Seems you two became close friends very quickly. Who would've thought? You're not very sociable with celebrities, besides that indie pop singer named Stellar, of course."

"'Luna', her name is 'Luna'.''

"Whatever. Tell me what did you do?"

"I don't know." I shrug trying to act as clueless as possible. But Jessica doesn't seem to buy it.

"Hmm, you must have done something that captivated her."

"Well, I guess she liked the way I--" _ate her out_. No, I not gonna say that."--take pictures. You heard her saying that she liked my portfolio, and was very satisfied with the pictorial we worked on together. It's not rocket science, Jess."

"I guess not..." Jessica's dark brown eyes stop focusing on me and go astray. I cannot let her speculate. I better speak up.

"Anyway. If you think I'm undeserving of such privilege, I won't go. No problem. I actually wanted to ask you-"

"What are you saying? I already told you. You are definitely going. This is a golden opportunity, Seungwan."

To what? To ruin Joohyun's career and lose my life by the hands of her boyfriend once he finds out about what happened between us?

"I don't think I should go. I'm-"

"You're going. End of discussion. You must go." Jessica's voice sounds a tad intimidating now.

"Why?"

"Think about it, Seungwan. If you snub her, she won't work with us again. You know that the issue with her on the cover sold out in seconds, right? We need her back. And if she's your fan, we cannot waste the opportunity to do another bigger and better pictorial with Bae Joohyun."

Of course. It's actually very, very beneficial for the magazine and my resume. I haven't thought about it. I just want to run away from _her_.

I hesitate to argue and that gives Jessica time to add, "Plus, this time it will be different. You'll be in charge of the art direction of the photo-shoot besides the photography, how's that?"

Tempting. Very tempting. Getting that type of creative control takes years in the business. I've always seen it as an ultimate goal in my career. Jessica must be truly desperate to offer me that already.

But no, no. I can't see Bae Joohyun again. I shouldn't.

"This is strictly professional, Seungwan. You cannot snub one of our most renowned clients. It's unethical."

It's also very unethical to fuck said client behind her boyfriend's back.

I feel trapped. To be honest, I don't think Joohyun will expose me. She can't. It will ruin her as well. Maybe it's just a way to keep appearances for her. Even though I don't want-who am I kidding? Of course I wanna see her again. But I promised Sunyoung...Wait! I didn't tell her who the girl was, did I? So, if I'm able to keep our interactions strictly professional, nobody will find out. I'm sure Joohyun will agree. That's why she invited me, right?

Right.

 

"Fine. I'll go."

 

 

\--

 

_"So you can't come?"_

Sunyoung's voice sounds disappointed through the phone. God, I hate doing this.

"I'm sorry, Sunyoung. This is important for the magazine. They say it's a golden opportunity."

_"Yeah, I imagine. Bae Joohyun is freaking famous. I didn't know she did a pictorial for your magazine and that you were the one taking her photographs. Wow. You're climbing up the popularity ladder, eh? Working with top celebrities like her already. Wow!"_

"Yeah, well." I laugh like an idiot.

_"What about the forbidden fruit?"_

Oh Jesus... for once, she still hasn't connected the dots.

_"You're not seeing that girl again, right? You promised me that, Wan."_

"Don't worry about that anymore, Sunyoung. Please don't tell that to anybody. Please."

_"Of course I won't. I just want you to be careful. That's all."_

"I know. I love you for that. But I can handle it. I promise."

_"I'm still sad. I really wanted you with me on the tour bus at least. We're going to all the provinces in the country before flying to Japan."_

"Japan! That's so cool! I'll text you constantly, OK?"

_"Thanks! That would be great."_

"Have a blast performing and meeting your fans, sweetheart."

_"Oh yes! I definitively will. You have fun at the premiere. Oh! Oh! That's the movie she just filmed with Kim Junmyeon, right? Oh my god, you have to take a picture with him. He's a total hottie!"_

Her sudden excitement is so cute.

"OK, I will. For you. Do you want me to gift him your album perhaps? Or ask him an autograph for you?"

_"Oh my god! Can you? No wait, first ask him if he knows me. If so, give it to him. OK?"_

"OK."

_"Oh my god! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I love you."_

"Take care. Bye~"

 

Out of nowhere, I feel like throwing up and my mouth tastes bitter. I'm the most despicable person ever. I deserve to burn in Hell.

 

\--

 

I hate dresses. They make me look... girly. Ugh. Anyway, anything for that art direction post. That's why I'm doing this. Yes. Nothing else. She's just a client. A very important one, but, nevertheless still a client. Only a client.

 

_"Oh God. Yes. Keep doing that.... yes...Don't stop... don't stop..."_

 

How to face her again and pretend that nothing happened when the memory of her enjoying me fucking her won't go away? She will notice it for sure, and so will her boyfriend.

What if this is a trap and she wants to mocks me in public or something? No, she wouldn't. Would she? Why am I doing this again? I don't want to anymore.

 

The doorbell is ringing.

They came for me.

"There's no going back, Seungwan. You have to do this."

 

\--

 

I've been to a few movie premieres before, but I've never been treated like this: A valet opening the door for me to exit the limousine, the excessive lightning and camera flashing everywhere blinding me as I walk the red carpet. I thought the presence of press and celebrities at my exhibition was the epitome of glamour available for someone like me. But this? This is another level.

A very intimidating level.

Fans scream at the top of their lungs for pop idols and TV celebrities who are attending to support the cast. Among them, there's Kim Junmyeon, who shortly after a few shots, runs towards the fans section to sign autographs while his assistant collects the varied gifts he receives.

I should not forget to give him Luna's album later somehow. I promised her I would.

Thankfully, I'm not a famous celebrity, so only a couple of photographers care about taking my picture.

It might be my passion doing that as well, but not to myself, to be honest. I am definitively not eye-candy material.

 _She_ 's not here yet, it seems.

Who's that person at the press standing line? Is she...

"...Seulgi?"

Her head shoots up at the mention of the name. She looks around, her monolid eyes seem tired as she squints them trying to find me. Yes! That's definitively Seulgi. I should approach her or she won't see me.

"Seungwan? Seungwannie? What are you doing here?" She reacts a second after I've wrapped my arms around her back.

"I was invited. I thought you were working for the Korea Times, not Dispatch. What happened?"

"Yeah well, they offered me more money for a better position. And who wants to miss a chance to take a close up picture of Bae Joohyun?"

"No one, I guess."

She nods frantically at my apathetic reply. Whoever sees her excited state would think she's one of the many screaming fangirls behind us. My god.

"Is this the first time you'll see her?"

"Yes. Sooyoung struggled a lot trying to get us a good spot, she has prepared good questions for her."

"Who?"

Before Seulgi can answer my question, a taller-than-both-of-us blonde girl pulls her by the arm, ignoring my presence completely.

"Unnie, is everything ready? She's coming."

"She's coming?!" Seulgi turns around all of the sudden. Watch out, girl. Be careful with the cam-

"Oh my god! It's OK, it's OK. I got it."

"Thank you, Seungwan." Seulgi smiles at me.

"No need to thank me, girl."

"Ah, really! Unnie, why are you always so clumsy? You almost dropped the camera! It could have broken!" The tall girl looks really annoyed. She squints her eyes shut and stomps her feet while ranting like a spoiled child.

"I'm sorry, Sooyoung. I didn't see the cable."

Seulgi's mortified face makes me feel sorry for her. It was an accident. It could have happened to anybody. I want to say something but I guess, it's none of my business.

I never expected to see Seulgi here out of all places. During the photography course we both enrolled in two years ago, she struck me as a good hearted, transparent person, fascinated with everything new around her, even ambitious, who would become a serious journalist covering politics or business news. Seeing her here is... puzzling.

"Excuse me, are you a V.I.P.?" The tall girl finally notices my presence and stares at me unfazed.

"Well, yeah I'm-"

"The V.I.P. area is at the front. This is the press zone." She points a finger towards where I am supposed to go.

"She's here! She's here! That's her limousine! Hurry!"

The screams and shouts increase their decibels, it's scary.

Madness is unleashed in a heartbeat

"Joohyun! Joohyun! Here! Look here! To your right! To your left! Here, Joohyun! Here!"

I can't see her. They have crowed her like starving vultures over their longed prey, preventing me from catching a glimpse of her beauty. Even standing on my tiptoes I can't see her. But I can see a tanned, chiseled man, wearing an all black tuxedo with a bow tie.

Kangta.

His short, pitch black hair is perfectly combed. Tall as a tower, his broad shoulders and toned biceps slightly stretch the fabric of his suit. He's admittedly more muscular and handsome in person than I expected him to be. And that's honestly terrifying.

A sober smile is all that the cameras get from him, until he suddenly lowers his head to a side looking at the person standing next to him.

"So pretty! So fucking pretty!" A sweaty, fat male photographer drops his mouth open for a second before kneeling to get a better angle. Others are pushed back by the security staff trying to control the chaos. It clears enough space for me to see _her_ at last.

 _'Fucking pretty'_ is an understatement. I thought I'd never find her any prettier than the night I had her in my arms.

Guess I was wrong, so damn wrong.

Those delicious thin lips that I savored eagerly are tinted in crimson red. That silky, ebony hair that my stubby fingers ran through so effortlessly, rests over her naked shoulders. High heels and a satin black mini dress hugging her body make her sensual curves stand out for all those vultures' eyes to feast on.

And she's smiling at them.

Has she any idea of what's in their filthy minds right now? Judging by their frenetic state, it's not far-fetched to believe they'd gangbang her had the opportunity existed.

Then again, wasn't I lusting after her mere hours ago as well?

Am I yet another vulture?

 

"Miss, the V.I.P. entrance is this way. Come with me, please."

A security member takes me out of my trance and escorts me away from the insanity. Guess I won't be able to know what questions Seulgi's bossy colleague has prepared for Joohyun.

Anyway, time to watch this film. I have no idea what it is about.

 

\--

 

_"I love you, Irene."_

_"Suho..."_

_"I've felt attracted to you from the first time I met you. And now I can't keep lying to myself. Please look at me."_

 

Don't look at him.

 

_"Irene..."_

 

Don't turn around. Don't look at him.

 

_"Your father will come. My husband, Suho. Your father is my husband."_

_"But you don't love him. Please, look at me."_

 

Don't, don't do it.

 

_"Suho... you're crazy... I'm your step mother!"_

 

There she said it.

 

_"Just because he met you before I did! We are the same age, how sick is that? How sick is he to marry a girl his own son's age?"_

_'What's done is done."_

_"No, it's not done. You love me. Your eyes tell me you do."_

 

I can't believe what I'm watching.

I can't believe Joohyun invited me to see her married to a mob boss and having an _affair_ with his oldest son on screen. She's messing with me on purpose.

 

_"Please, stop..."_

_"You really want me to?"_

_"No... but your father will be here any minute. He'll kill you if he sees us."_

_"Let him try. I'm not scared. I will protect you. You think I don't know what he's done to you?"_

_"He won't do it again. Please leave now, I don't want him to hurt you."_

_"Of course he won't, we're leaving right this instant."_

_"W-what?"_

_"Run away with me, Irene.''_

 

I bet her husband will find them anyway.

 

Time is almost up and I am winning my bet in the worst way possible. The mob boss has outsmarted them, pretending he ignored their torrid romance only to send one of his thugs to chase after the couple when they attempted to run away.

However, before the imminent fatidic ending happens, a mandatory sex scene between the leads takes place. And I can't keep my eyes on the screen anymore.

Not only because watching sex scenes in a full packed cinema is always awkward as hell, but also because her constant moaning is driving me insane.

I can't stay here and watch this. 

 

I know it's just a movie.

I know they don't really do it. The camera wasn't showing much, and yet I couldn't stand it.

Why am I here, locked inside a stupid stall, sitting on a stupid toilet, crying over a stupid movie? 

Idiot. I'm an idiot. Why do I react like this? She's nothing of me.

She should not be.

But after that night, I feel like she is... was...

Mine.

She was mine.

Why on Earth do I feel entitled to claim her?

I can't see her the same way I used to when I stumbled upon her posters on the streets.

Not even as a client. Numerous gorgeous women have posed for my camera.

But she's different.

I can't even think of her as yet another one night stand. No matter how much I try.

Being unable to tolerate the sight of a man on top of her, making love to her in fiction can only mean that I'm-

No!

That's impossible. I'm just stupid. Of course it's uncomfortable. I slept with her. But that doesn't mean I'm-

 

"I can't believe that bitch had sex with Junmyeon in the movie. He's too good for her. She can't even act!"

" I know right? I hate her. He's so hot."

A couple of jealous bimbos are trash talking Joohyun while fixing their smuggled make-up in front of the mirror above the sinks.

"That moment when he took off his shirt, did you see his ripped abs? I swear I almost fainted."

You should have choked.

"Oh my god! Yes! Me too. Argh! I heard Jun-myeon actually likes the bitch. Bet that cock sucking slut seduced him on set."

What did she just call her?

"Really? But isn't she still dating Kangta? What a sly fox! Fuck! My eyelash came off! Do you have some glue?"

"Here you go. Why did Junmyeon have to die for her in the end? She should have gotten that bullet. That dumb bitch."

This can't go on anymore. I have to do something.

 

My face is still a bit swollen from my previous weeping. The bimbos have gotten quiet as soon as they saw me leaving the stall, realizing someone was listening to their disgusting tirade.

Now they walk away like miserable cowards.

Too bad. I was ready to rip off their rancid scalp. Ugly witches.

 

So he died for her. So cliché.

She wasn't bad at all. Her acting has actually improved so much since her last movie. That scene where she found out her grandma died was very moving. She cried her heart out. Her emotions were so genuine, it made me gather a lump on my throat and tear up a bit.

She has talent for this.

She should know it.

I should tell her that she's good.

 

 

"Miss Son? Enter the vehicle, please." The driver politely opens the limousine door for me once again.

"I'm sorry. I was in the restroom."

"I'll drive you to after party location."

 

\--

 

The after party takes place in a convention center downtown. The hall is properly decorated. But there's no time to spare. I need to find _her._

It's weird. Hours ago, I was praying not to cross paths with Joohyun again. But now, I just want to talk to her. Tell her how good she was in that movie before she hears or reads nasty comments like the ones vomited by those witches. I must.

 

"Here you are."

There's no need for me to look for her. She has found me first.

"Hi!"

Shit. My voice cracked. But it makes her giggle.

So cute. So damn cute.

"I saw you looking around. Were you looking for me?"

"I-" Ugh! Why can't I speak properly? "I wanted to tell you-"

"That you've missed me, too?"

Her velvety voice and gleaming eyes enchant me in a heartbeat.

Yes, I've missed you. I'm such an idiot because I've missed you when I shouldn't have.

I can't admit that in front of her. Not here. Not now. No. I can never admit that.

"Well-"

I can't say another word because big, tanned hands resting on her skinny shoulders from behind and a grave male voice startle her.

"Joohyun, aren't you introducing me to your friend?"

"Oh, god you scared me." She takes a step away from the man and regains her suddenly lost composure with a quick breath. "Hmm yeah, this is Son Seungwan. She's a top photographer that worked with me for the latest Nylon magazine edition. You know, the last one I appeared on the cover?" She continues.

"Oh! You appear on so many magazines, Joohyun. I lost track of them. Nice to meet you, Miss Son."

Kangta extends his huge hand for me to shake. It's cold and I fear his grip will break my hand bones, but it doesn't. He smiles at me. Charmingly.

I hate that.

"She graduated from the California Institute of Arts with honors and has worked for Vanity Fair and InStyle under the tutoring of the renown photographer Alice Hawkins, before coming to Korea."

She sounds so thrilled numbering my references to him, it's like she's bragging about me.

"Wow! That's impressive." Kangta raises his eyebrows and nods.

"She's the best of the best in the business. Hyejin recommended me to work with her. So I didn't hesitate when the opportunity came." She faces me again before saying, "And I have enjoyed every single second of it."

I refuse to acknowledge that Joohyun is not referring to our photography session, but the sudden rush of blood to my head seems to expose my embarrassment, because now she's wearing a knowing smirk on her face.

Does she enjoy watching me become a bundle of nerves in front of her and her boyfriend?

This was a bad idea. I shouldn't have come.

"You must be proud, Miss Son." Kangta asseverates almost solemnly. "This is the first time I hear Joohyun speaking so highly of a friend of hers. She actually doesn't have many. So it's a pleasant surprise that you got close so fast. She's a very shy girl." He lays his hands over her again and starts stroking her forearms.

Joohyun frowns, scrunching her nose at what he just said. She doesn't seem to like it.

Despite being conscious of the age gap between them, I have to confess that I thought they matched well when I saw them posing for the cameras at the red carpet. Both are very good looking. But, listening to him speaking of Joohyun as if she were an introvert child on her first day of school honestly gives me the creeps.

"I feel honored. She's-" Her expression brightens as soon as she hears me speak. "One of a kind."

Is that all you can say, Seungwan?

"Indeed, she is. One special girl." His grip tightens around her and she quivers.

I can't move, I can't speak. I can only see her parting her lips, quirking her eyebrows briefly as her eyes refuse to look at anything else but me.

"Right, Junmyeon?" Without removing his hands from her, Kangta asks the young actor.

The witches in the restroom would kill to be in my place right now. Kim Junmyeon is standing next to me, and I didn't see him coming. He smiles with his mouth closed and bows before Kangta.

"Yes, Sir. She is. Very special. Personally, working with Joohyun was a pleasure."

Sure it was.

"She's humble, professional and hardworking. As expected from someone from your company, Mr. Ahn."

His eager praise reminds me of what I wanted to say.

"Oh! Yes! I was really, really moved by that scene where Irene cried at her grandmother's grave. I could feel her emotions. It made me cry. You were excellent, Joo--Miss Bae."

"Call me 'Joohyun', please." She speaks so softly it's like a whisper.

"I'm sorry... Joohyun. You were remarkable in the movie. I think you have the potential to become a great actress sooner than you expect."

I meant it. Every single word. And by the way she stares at me, I can tell that what I said has affected her, because her eyes water a little.

"Thanks." She gulps and makes an attempt to smile. She looks up as she tries to hold back her tears.

Gosh, I wanna hug her so badly. I wanna stroke her back and kiss the back of her head. I wanna tell her that it's alright if she cries.

"What matters now is that the movie does well. The last one was a commercial success. And now that we have Junmyeon on board, things look even brighter. So far, the critics I've spoken to have promised me good reviews for it and they've already delivering. Besides, a national release in all major movie theaters, there's talk to sell the rights to China and Japan already. So let's celebrate in advance. Where's the waiter?"

While Kangta motions at Junmyeon to call a waiter to bring champagne, Joohyun keeps staring at me. It doesn't seem like she has listened to a word he had said, because she tugs his suit to call his attention back to her.

"I have to go to the toilet. It's urgent."

"But-"

"Can you come with me, please." She grabs my hand without letting me say a word and drags me away from both men.

We pass by elegantly dressed people, some of which bow to Joohyun as soon as they meet her gaze. She returns the greeting without letting my hand go. In fact, she squeezes my fingers and rushes a bit towards our destination.

 

The restroom appears to be empty, but she still looks around to make sure it is.

"Is everything OK? Are you feeling sick? Or-"

"Tell me the truth. You meant what you said? Or you said that just to agree with them. Please, be honest." Her eyes implore.

She looks so fragile, I can't help but extend my hand and caress her head down to her cheek.

"I said what I think of you. I don't care about them. I just care about you."

What did I just say? I can't ponder the consequences of my words because she holds my wrist on her cheek and turns her face slightly so her soft lips can kiss my palm.

"You're so warm..."

Her fingers stroke my arm rhythmically and her lips shower my hand with their sweetness. I need them over my own now.

"Joohyun..."

"Do you have any idea how much I've missed your hands over my skin?"

Don't say that, I can barely keep my knees from buckling.

"Please, stop. This is so wrong. Your boyfriend is here. It's madness."

Her hand has captured mine, frustrating my attempt to remove it from her face, and leads my fingers towards her lips.

"I still feel them inside me, you know?"

Oh god. I'm shaking.

"Do you?"

"Yes... And your tongue... your lips... I wish I could taste your lips, too."

"We can't kiss again, Joohyun."

My answer draws a naughty smile on her face. The fingers of her free hand start running playfully over my lower lip.

"I wasn't talking about kissing _these_ , silly."

Sweet lord, kill me, please.

"But now that you've mentioned them..."

She's so fast. She has me pinned against the closest wall in an instant.

And I taste her again.

Her addictive flavor all over my thirsty tongue only makes me long for more.

Damn, she's such a good kisser. I've suddenly lost the will to resist, to tell her this is wrong. I can't think. I can't reason anymore. I just want her to do whatever she wants with me.

"Seungwan-ah... I need your warmth... So much it's driving me nuts..."

"I need you, too... You're so... oh god... I..."

She giggles amused at my derailment. "You like it, don't you?"

Her lips sucking my neck's thin skin feel so amazing, I don't want her to stop.

Every stroke, every whimper, every kiss, every move she makes is burning me alive.

She wasted no time and her naughty fingers already tease me underneath my skirt. God! I want to tear down her dress and kiss her all over. No. This is going too far.

"Someone may come. This is not the right place, Joohyun." My heart races so fast, I can barely breath. And somehow I can hear her heart thumping, too.

"You're right." She moves away, releasing me. She fixes her dress and takes some air, trying to calm her equally agitated breathing.

"We should go back. Your boyfriend is waiting for you to celebrate."

My hair is a mess, I can't leave the restroom like this.

The zipper of her strapless dress is slightly down. "Your zip- let me?"

"Thanks."

"No need to. We shouldn't have done this, Joohyun."

"I don't care. You're here with me now. And I won't let you go."

 

Her undaunted tone convinces me that I've made the biggest mistake of my life by coming here instead of leaving the city with Sunyoung.

I am truly doomed, because I can't deny that I love it.

I love the fact that she wants me as much as I want her.

 

I deserve to burn in Hell, indeed.


	4. Cuatro

"So much has happened between us already. Aren't we going to talk about it?"

"What is there to talk about?"

"Our feelings. I can't keep denying what I feel for you anymore. It's stronger than me. Can't you see it? Can't you see that I'm in-"

 

Go on, say it. C'mon, Joohyun. Say it.  

 

"Sorry, I'll start again. I'm so sorry."

"Cut!" The director shouts through the megaphone before stepping out of his chair to approach her.

This is the 5th time she has messed up the same line.

She must be tired.

They've been filming nonstop since 5 a.m. I'm craving dumplings. It's lunch time. She must be hungry.

Maybe Sohee can ask for a break.

"Sohee?" She's dosing off. "Sohee?" She lifts her face in a heartbeat. "Joohyun must feel hungry already, don't you think?"

She yawns loudly and checks the time on her watch. "Twelve p.m.? Oh god."

And just like that she leaves my side to try and put a halt on Joohyun's predicament.

Joohyun welcomes her with a tired smile. The look of relief in her eyes as soon as she sees Sohee convincing the director to give her an hour break, is admittedly moving. The poor girl can't think straight without some proper rest and food. How does he expect her to deliver her lines properly under such circumstances? I could never make my models work like this, no matter how tight my schedule is. Glad Sohee stepped in.

Sohee is a good personal assistant.

It has only been my first day here, and yet, I can tell already that Joohyun chose wisely when she hired her. Joohyun is soft spoken and shy in public, and that is a problem. But not as big as her ignoring her surroundings at times...

 

_"You like it, don't you? You like me touching you there?"_

That night, she completely disregarded the fact that we were in a public restroom. She forgot that her boyfriend, co-stars and crew members, even the press, were waiting for her outside to celebrate the sure-to-be box office hit movie she was the star of. She ignored all the circumstances surrounding us and was ready to fuck me hard. My answer to her question was obvious. I liked it. It felt good, too good, I had to stop her, bring her back to her senses before she destroyed her entire career in seconds because of me.

_"We shouldn't have done this, Joohyun."_

_"I don't care. You're here with me now. And I won't let you go."_

That moment it truly hit me: The realization that there is no way out of our affair any time soon, because we terribly want each other. Never in my life have I imagined to be so in lust with someone. I felt defeated, my moral codes stepped over. Sunyoung warned and trusted me, and I betrayed her. I betrayed myself.

That night, instead of running away, I let Joohyun carry me by hand back to make a toast, pose for a few group pictures, laugh forcibly at every lame joke that Kim Junmyeon made, and even endure everyone laughing at my embarrassing - albeit successful- attempt to get his autograph for Sunyoung. 

Joohyun's hand did not let mine go, using my presence to avoid the touch of her boyfriend.

I couldn't look at Kangta in the eyes at all. I didn't dare to. It didn't help that he appears to be so righteous. I need an explanation. What is so wrong between them for her to cheat on him? Anyway, whatever that is, there is no excuse for cheating.

 

"Miss Son? Joohyun asks if you can join her for lunch?"

Joohyun stands a few meters away from where we are. Our eyes meet and she refuses to hold my stare. Pursed lips, hand resting over her collarbones, its slim fingers pinching her neck. Is she worried that I refuse the invitation? I already agreed on the condition she put Jessica in order to do another cover story for her magazine. I'm here. Why the apprehension? What difference would me eating lunch with her make at this point?

"Yes, of course. Aren't you coming with us, Sohee?"

"Eh, no. I wish. I have some calls to do. She knows that after lunch she must finish the pending scene and then practice her script for tomorrow's shooting. Believe me, I'm so happy that you're here as her friend, Miss Son. She really needs to calm down in order to deliver her lines properly. The director is not happy at all. And I don't want to call her agent again. So, if you can talk to her, it'd be of great help. I can't do much about it now, I have so many things to take care of, you know?" She breaths out at last.  

"I imagine." My eyes deviate from the distressed woman and meet Joohyun's again. This time. she doesn't look away. This time she raises her eyebrows and mouths what seems to be a "please."

I bet eating together isn't the only thing that she wants to do with me today.

As soon as I nod in agreement to Sohee's latest request, her cellphone starts buzzing - it has been like that the whole day, poor woman - and she excuses herself to leave.

Joohyun stops staring at me once I reach her and, without saying a word, walks towards the corridor that leads to the closest restaurant inside the building. Walking close behind her, I wait for her to say something. But she remains oddly silent even after we've sat at one of the few tables for two available.

She calls for a waiter, who promptly takes our order: a classic combo of pasta and wine. And still nothing. Not a single word. She rather play with her phone instead. It's so awkward, I end up taking out mine as well.

Food finally arrives.

 

 

It's been five excruciating minutes in silence and I can't take this anymore.

"Why didn't you ask me personally to eat with you? I've come here as your friend, haven't I? That's what you told your boyfriend that night at the after-party. Also what you told my boss on the phone, hours before I arrived to the premiere, no wonder I didn't need to explain anything to Jess the following day. You wanted me as part of your entourage for a week. So here I am, treat me as such, Joohyun. Don't tell me you want to be discrete now."

She swallows the small bite of food in her mouth, puts the fork down, takes her time cleaning her lips with the napkin that hangs on the collar of her blouse, and then, her dark brown eyes stare into mine.

"It's hard for me to be discrete when it comes to you, Seungwan. I'm afraid to be... too affectionate."

That teasing tone again. It's so effective. I shouldn't have prompted her to speak. I need a drink.

"OK then, let's not make this some sort of romantic getaway. Finish your meal and be careful not to spill any food on your costume because you still have a scene to film." A glass of wine has never been so helpful.

"You sound like Sohee. I don't like that." She pouts, frowning. Adorable.

Shit. I'm so screwed.

"You really need to focus this time, Joohyun. Is something bothering you that prevents you from saying your lines? Is it... my fault?" As pretentious as that sounds, it might be the reason for her mental block. After all, the guilt must exert some sort of effect on her. I can't be the only one being consumed by it.

"I can't say those lines because I don't understand my character's motivation in that scene. What Director Yoo wants me to portray is confusing to me. Why is Ahreum suddenly so in love with her officemate when their relationship was borderline fraternal? I don't understand. I signed up to this so I can finally do something that doesn't involve me having any romantic plot line with a male character. But now they decided that a romance subplot can fit. Why?" Joohyun lets out a sigh so deep I can feel her frustration. "When I try to follow Director Yoo's instructions, he says that I'm doing it wrong, that it looks empty. Ugh! Honestly? I'm so tired of this, I feel like quitting."

Joohyun frowns visibly in pain one second and the next, she looks back at me, her gaze softening. "No, Seungwan. It's not your fault. As a matter of fact, it's thanks to you that I was able to work non-stop today."

"Ha, really?" And she dared to call my compliments 'cheesy' before.

"You look so sexy every time you do that."

"I-what?"

"That. Speaking in that low tone, stroking the back of your neck, and that smirk..."

"I-I didn't notice."

"Of course you didn't, Seungwan. That's why it's so hot. It's just how you are. And I love it."

The longing in her voice is like a spell. Heat suddenly invades my face and creeps down my neck, it radiates to my loins, making them throb. I'm forced to gasp for air to keep my composure. The urge to bring her face closer so I can kiss those tantalizing lips is unbearably strong.

"Joohyun..."

"Don't say anything now. Finish your meal. I have to go back to the studio. You don't have to escort me. Just come to my suite at seven p.m. We have to talk. There's something important that I have to tell you, Seungwan." She places a key card next to my plate and stands up. "Ah, and bring your camera, please."

Joohyun turns around and walks away from me, swaying her hips. Deliberate or not, her movements are hypnotic and so blatantly provocative, some men sitting at their tables have all turned their heads to leer at her as she leaves. I want to bleach their eyes with hydroxylic acid 'till it bores them to their sockets. If she indeed walks like that on purpose, it is for my eyes only. Nothing will convince me otherwise. Not after she said I'm hot.

Keep staring, none of your stinky dicks stand a chance, pathetic bunch of perverts.

What does she want to tell me, though? Whatever it is, I need to find out why she is cheating on Kangta. I know that going to her suite is a terrible idea, but I need answers. Perhaps that is what she wants to talk about. She has avoided the topic all this time, telling me it wasn't the right moment yet. Perhaps now it is.

Now it's the time.

 

\--

 

Six fifty. Why am I so punctual? She'll think I'm desperate to be in her arms again.

 

The chirping sound of the electronic lock deactivating is followed by a dead silence once I step inside.

Dim lights give the fancy and spacious living room a cozy atmosphere. The immaculate carpet feels pleasantly soft under my sore naked feet, after removing my shoes.

"Hello? Joohyun? Where are you?"

"I'm here!" Her voice comes from the corridor in front of me.

There's a half opened door at the end. Is it her bedroom?

A queen-size bed neatly covered with a purple duvet occupies the center of the room, there's a big closet on the right, the contiguous bathroom's door is wide open, but where is she? I can't see her. I clearly heard her voice coming from this place.

Ah. There she is.

Outside, standing at the farthest corner of the balcony that follows after the glass wall on the left. No wonder I didn't see her at the beginning.

She stares at the sun slowly setting in the horizon, and hasn't noticed my presence yet.

Her face looks relaxed, serene. The cool breeze forces a few hair strands to stroke her cheeks, to which she remains unresponsive. Those eyes of hers speak of rapture, the view has mesmerized her. Do you enjoy sunsets that much, pretty girl?

Her goddess-like profile and hazy eyes, the alluring chromatic variations of the twilight coloring her features...the sight of Joohyun like this as a whole is so entrancingly beautiful, I can't help myself.

"Seungwan-ah, what are you doing?" She titters, her fingers tucking the fallen hair strands behind her ear.

"Just... the sunset looks stunning up here. I-I had to take a picture."

"Then why were you pointing the lens at me?"

"Because you got in the way."

Lame liar.

Throwing her head back, my guiltiest pleasure laughs out loud open-mouthed. "Oh. Is that so?"

She walks towards me. Shut down the camera now. Don't let her take a peek of the photograph on the screen.

She gets closer.

And closer.

So close, her warm breath blows the tiny hairs on my skin. "Next time let me know so I move away, OK?"

"You were the one that told me to bring the camera in the first place."

More laughter mocks my clumsy attempt to move away from her.

"And of course, you obeyed me."

This girl dares to brag the control she has over me right into my face. Cruel. She knows I can't deny it. She knows I took a picture of her, even though she was unable to see it thanks to my hurriedness, that savvy grin tells me so.

"You are cute when you get shy, Seungwan."

Smooth as a pillow, her palm travels down my arm, stopping at the back of my hand. There is warmth in her gaze. The night we had sex, those hypnotic eyes stared into mine like that before her goodbye kiss.

My heart can't take it.

"Me? Cute?"

"Yes. You." She pauses. "Don't look away, please."

I can't hold my stare when you look at me like that. "You did not ask me to bring my camera and not use it. So, what about starting the session we agreed on here tonight? I bet my boss will love some truly 'up-close and personal' photographs for the article."

"Oh that, right... " Joohyun interlocks our fingers and walks me back inside her room. "...later." She takes the camera off my hands and places it on the closest bed table.

"OK, then what are we-" Her hands softly cupping my face don't let me finish the question.

"Do you really have to ask, Seungwan?"

Those velvety lips touch mine again in a brief kiss, too brief for my liking.

Joohyun steps back, hands running slowly down my neck and chest about to let go. I won't let her.  

My hands grip her waist enclosing her body. I need those lips to devour my own. 

Voracious.

Ardent.

Deranged.

My lust for her about to be unleashed.

And Joohyun puts no resistance. She wanted me to react like this: like a mindless cat in heat.

Insidious manipulation. Her avid hands tug at my flannel shirt, slim fingers tickling over my increasingly exposed skin with each button she undoes, her wicked tongue can't stop playing with mine inside our mouths. I need air, but I refuse to let go. I could kiss her for hours. She's that delicious.

"Seungwan..." Joohyun breaks the spell allowing both of us to exhale. It's so hot, I feel like burning. And she looks as flustered as I feel, earlobes, cheeks and neck tinted in reddish pink; our intense make out has blooded her lips. "...I need to take a bath."

"A bath? OK... I'll wait." I figured you undid my shirt just to tease me.  

As I start buttoning it back, Joohyun snorts with laughter and stops me by pulling my hands, "Come with me, silly."

 

Inside the bathroom, she lets go of me to fill up the big, round platform tub flanked by tiled walls.

"Were you waiting for me to join you?"

"Guilty as charged." She giggles without facing me, focused on tempering the water to her liking.

"You should've told me. I've showered before coming."

"I know." She brings a small caramel-colored bottle from one of the two side cabinets above the sink, and opens the cap to smell it. "I like how that bath lotion mixes with your own scent." Now she pours the pink viscous liquid inside the tub and stirs the foam until it spreads all over the water.

"Where do I hang my shirt on?"

With a swift turnaround, Joohyun takes the cloth off my hands. "Wait. I want to do that."

"You want to undress me?"

"Seungwan-ah, you're making too many obvious questions." That playful laughter of hers is truly something. It makes me forget my shame for a moment. It makes everything feel like a child's play, not the aberration that it actually is.

Between us alone, Joohyun is carefree, capricious... bold. It took her less than a minute to strip me naked, and now she's on her knees, teasing me.

"You're already wet, Seungwan."

"Are you surprised? Those naughty hands of yours were feeling me all over with each cloth you removed from my body."

"Do I turn you on that much, Seungwan?"

The tips of her fingers are way too close by now, my clit throbs and my knees grow weak. If she applies a bit more pressure I might- "N-now who's the one making obvious questions?"

She stops touching me and stands up. "Get in the tub." Her gaze darkens. "And sit on the border, with your back against the wall."

I shall add 'authoritative' to my list. Actually, I like it. It's hotter than her pleading.

The water is warmer than what I expected. The porcelain surface under my butt and the ceramic tiles behind my back feel ice cold in contrast.

Joohyun starts undressing before my eyes. Oh god. How much I missed staring at _them_. Not too big, not too small. Perky yet slightly round. Tempting beyond control.

"You're touching yourself. You can't wait, huh?"

"Have I told you that the sight of your naked breasts is the most erotic image I've ever seen?" I don't care that she mocks my hunger for her anymore. I'm in too deep.

She enters the bathtub watching her steps. Kneeling in front of me between my legs, she leans on to seek my mouth.

  

"Is it too cold?" She seems worried after feeling the tub's outer surface.

"It's fine. As long as you warm my body up with your kisses, I can take it." My answer is met with another steamy kiss, which this time travels down my neck... between my breasts... circling my navel... I'm so drenched... I need her to fuck me right now.

"I want to taste you, Seungwan." Her breath blows the trimmed pubic hairs beneath my pelvis, and I anticipate my little death by the touch of those hot lips. At this point, even the playful pecks she scatters on my inner thighs make me quiver uncontrollably, my feet and hands clench, my moans will turn into screams at any second.

She is close enough again...

Her tongue... it's so soft... it tickles so much...

"Oh my god! Don't stop, it's so hot..."

So hot... it burns... I can't... I'm-

 

"S-Seungwan? Are you OK?"

Joohyun slaps my arm when she hears me laughing.

"Oh yes, I am."

"Really? Your legs gave in and your back slid down. Then I heard a thud. I thought you got hurt. I got scared." She strokes the back of my head.

I can't stop laughing.

"You'll get cold. I'm sorry." She kisses my cheek and drags me inside the bathtub with her.

'Tender' is another of her traits when we're alone.

,Joohyun is in my arms again.

Scattering kisses all over her wet skin makes her giggle. Music to my ears. "I'm not cold, Joohyun. I'm burning hot. You're so good, you made me cum so fast. Are you sure this is the first time you go down on a girl? It's hard to believe, if you ask me."  

"I'm not good. It was dripping and very swollen already. I didn't have to do much. Though, I wanted to." There's a dash of disappointment in her eyes that is rather endearing. "I wanted to pleasure you even more, Seungwan."

I came here expecting Joohyun to demand me to pleasure her until she's tired of it. Not to see her eagerly attempting to do that to me, instead. "Did you enjoy me?"

"Yes, I did. I've wanted to do this to you ever since you did it to me in your bed. Even in my dreams. And now that it finally happened, I want to do it again. You taste so good. So good."

Her voice, her gaze, her sensual body are all tainted with lust, the same lust that consumes me, and we surrender ourselves to it mindlessly.

"You like kissing them, don't you?" Joohyun runs her fingers through my wet hair locks as I fondle her gorgeous breasts. Hands, tongue, lips all over to bask in their arousing perfection.  

"My god, you have no idea how much I love them."

I'm going mad enjoying her heated moans. I could cum just by the feeling of her hardened nipples against my thirsty tongue and tireless fingers.

Joohyun starts riding my thigh under the water, so I flex my knee and hips adequately to help her get more friction, making her moan louder and seek my lips to devour them. In return, she lowers a hand to my swollen loins to pleasure me more.

Our motions grow faster, and faster, to the point where we have to break the kiss to breathe and vocalize our delight. We're so close now...

We could make love all night long.

 

"Aren't you going to tell me that very important thing you said you would if I came to your suite?"

Joohyun's amusement suddenly disappears. We've been rinsing our bodies - playing with the handheld hose splashing water to each other, to be precise - inside the glass shower box for several minutes. And she hasn't spoken about the matter yet. Her reaction to my question is a clear indication that she has no intention to.

"Was it all a lie and you just lured me in so we could fuck?"

"Would you get mad if I say 'yes'?"

"Yes, I would. I really would, Joohyun."

"Seungwan, wait!"

 

I'm so stupid. She's never going to give me an explanation. What I want it for, anyway? It doesn't change the fact that what we're doing is terribly wrong. It doesn't change the fact that she can't be truly mine. And that hurts. This is a fantasy come true that should have never happened.

"Please don't leave. Please."

I've barely dried myself, but I can't spare more time here anymore. I have to dress up and leave immediately.

"I'm done with this game."

 

"Seungwan, please!" Joohyun exclaims behind me as I exit the bathroom. "Please, stay." She slides her arms around my waist and latches herself behind my back. "Don't leave me, please. I beg you."

"Aren't you ashamed? Do you really understand what we're doing? What you're doing to him?"

"Of course I do! I know this is wrong. He doesn't deserve this, I know! He's been good to me. I'm grateful for that, but I don't love him. I've never loved him. Our relationship has always been a cover up. He didn't want any actor or male celebrity I work or come in touch with to pursue me. I'm his precious creation. He can't let anyone ruin that. So he decided to protect me like this. I swear to god, he hasn't touched me, Seungwan. I can't have sex with him."

"Why not?"

"I thought it would be obvious to you by now. When you hesitated to tell me whether you've dated a guy or not, I felt my suspicions were confirmed. And it made me so happy. You're just like me."

She lets go of me when I turn around.

"Are you a lesbian, Joohyun?"

"Yes-" Her voice breaks. "I am. I'm...I 'm gay."

Her cellphone starts ringing, and she hesitates to attend the call, giving me a pleading look, scared that I leave when she picks it up. I motion at her to do it. Now that she finally opened her mouth, I need her to explain this embroilment.

"Hello? Sohee? Y-yes I finished everything. Yes I took a shower." She meets my eyes after saying this. She's still naked under that bathrobe. "I'm going to practice my script for tomorrow, yes. Don't worry-yes, yes. I'll order room service. I don't want to go outside for dinner. I'm very tired. Yes, I'll sleep early. Yes. It's fine. I don't need anything, I just want to be alone for the rest of the night."

"Yeah, sure."

She shushes me, wide-eyed. My sarcastic remark might've been heard by her assistant.    

I'm dumbfounded. I thought Joohyun was one of those straight girls that like experimenting because their male partner isn't good enough in bed. At best she could be bi. Why didn't I consider the chances of her being gay?

"OK. Thank you for everything, Sohee. Goodnight."

"Does she know?"

"Please, Seungwan, stay. You must be hungry. Let me order some food." She hurries to dial the room service.

"Don't bother. Just tell me everything. I really need to know."

"Please stay with me. I'll promise I'll tell you anything you want to know. Anything. But stay with me tonight, please." She's so determined to keep me inside here, I comply, and it makes the anguish in her face disappear.

Looking at her in that state is pitiful. She hasn't been able to dry her hair or get dressed. I overreacted. We were having such a good time earlier.  

"Go and finish getting ready for bed, Joohyun. I won't leave yet. I promise."

"Your hair is still wet like mine. And you didn't dry yourself properly, your clothes are a bit wet, too. You'll get sick. Come."

She drags me back to the bathroom.

 

Stop being so sweet to me, pretty girl. You're only making it more difficult for me to leave you. I don't know the extent of your scheme but right now, I'm so smitten with your tenderness, your sensuality, your beauty that I don't know how to deal with it.  

 

"Well, what would you like to eat?"

"Anything's fine, Joohyun. You seem very hungry."

"Aren't you, too? Don't you feel very hungry after sex?"

Her bewilderment is funny. "Yes, I do."   

Seeing me laugh seems to put her in a very good mood. Why do you want me so much, pretty girl?

 

Room service is here. She ordered a couple of snacks: kimbap and tteokbokki, and a jar of sikhye to drink. She knows Sohee will nag at her if she eats greasy food or drinks alcohol. 

We sit side by side at the square table in the dining room. Joohyun was right, I'm very hungry.

 

"So, does Sohee know you're gay?"

"No. Nobody knows. I've kept this secret locked away from family, friends and colleagues for so many years. You're the first person I've confessed it to, Seungwan. I know I should have done it before. Forgive me."

"You don't need to apologize, Joohyun. I still fucked you without knowing it, didn't I? I don't deserve an apology. I honestly thought you just wanted to get off and that it'd be a onetime thing."

"Have you had those before? You know, one night stands?" Her eyes widen in wonder.

"I had. A few. Less than five."

"People from the industry? Or-"

"Some were. I mean, they were girls I met at gay bars, one turned out to be an assistant, another a makeup artist. I didn't ask them much personal information, and neither did they. Everything was forgotten the day after. We hooked up on that condition."

"Any model?"

Why does she ask that? "None. I don't fuck or date clients. It's unethical. I broke my rule with you in the worst way possible. Not only you're a model, but also an actress and you have a boyfriend."

It sounds recriminating, and Joohyun lowers her head. I didn't mean to guilt trip her by pointing this out. It was my mistake, too.

"Have you ever been in love, Seungwan?"

"In love?" I didn't expect her to ask this. "I really don't know if I should call it 'love'. I dated a girl back in high school abroad. She was my first kiss and my first time. But she had to leave. Her dad found a job across the globe, so I understood it wasn't meant to last. What about you? Have _you_ ever been in love, Joohyun?"

She remains quiet for a second. Her expression aggravates as if opening her heart to talk about that would hurt. Maybe, I shouldn't have asked that. 'You don't have to-"

"If I were straight or bisexual, perhaps I could've fallen in love with my boyfriend, or at least one of the countless guys that courted me in school. But I couldn't. I had a very close friend in high school. She was the person who convinced me to become a model. She always talked about boys, but for some reason I couldn't share the same excitement she had for them, like I didn't swoon over topless pictures of male idols, or actors. I thought something was really wrong with me." She makes a pause.

I want to tell her there was nothing wrong about that. But she continues, "And then one night, I stayed at her house and she told me that she wanted to teach me how to kiss a boy. And when she kissed me, I liked it a lot. I didn't tell her because it would have freaked her out. But it was like an awakening, you know? It made me look back at many things I'd had done or felt before and I could see them under another light. I was so fixated with female models and actresses not just because I wanted to become one, I got turned on at the sight of a woman's naked body not because I was sick. It was all because I like women."

"Did you date in secret?" My question is answered with a negative.

"I wanted to date a girl so much. But, how to find one in the conservative town I grew up in? My parents would have never allowed it if I tried. When I came to the capital, I hoped to find someone to love at last, but as soon as I got cast as a model, they started controlling everything I did. I had too many eyes on me, building my public image from within. The image of a prim, sophisticated, ethereally beautiful and obviously straight woman. They treated me right and took care of me, though. I heard so many stories of unlucky aspirants falling into prostitution rings in the industry. I couldn't complain."

"That's true. It's a wicked world we live in."

She nods, unfocused gaze, and goes on, "When my parents learned I was dating the man who made me a star, they felt so proud of me. And then I thought, _well, I might not find love, but I'll be safe_. And I'll fulfill what I was taught I was born for: marry a man, be a good wife and give him kids."

A smile appears on her lips once she stares back at me. "But, then I read that interview you gave explaining your work. And you fascinated me. You looked so beautiful in the few pictures that accompanied the article, it made me lose my breath. I had to know more about you, I had to meet you. And you turned out to be even more amazing in person. The way you work in your studio is so professional, it's really hot. Your vision for each concept is so innovative and you're always open for suggestions. You're kind and considered with your models and your staff, everyone likes you on set. I was in awe after I saw that. I figured perhaps we could become friends, even though deep down I knew I wanted you already."

"You knew I was into you from the moment we first met."

"I was right, wasn't I? By the time you invited me to your place, I couldn't resist you any longer. And I don't regret it, Seungwan. You made all my fantasies pale in comparison."

I don't know what to say now that she confessed me all of this. I don't know how to feel about it either.

My hand caresses her cheek. Eyes closed, she kisses my palm.

"Thank you for confiding me your secret, Joohyun. Rest assured I won't tell it to anyone ever. I know what it is like. And for that we should end this. People will find out about our affair sooner or later. We should stop. It's for your safety."

"I know all of this is torturing you. I did everything wrong. And I blame myself for that."

"The blame is mutual. I accepted your invitation, I agreed on coming here. We made love. I'm as guilty as you are. I told you. But this. Has. To stop. Now."

"I know. You're right. If only I had met you before I started dating him, things would have been different."

Thinking about that scenario makes me feel so bitter. Makes me hate everything that's happening to us. "If that had been the case... I would have asked you to be my girlfriend."

Her eyes are watering. But she holds her tears back, standing up to clean the table.

I help her.

 

"You liked the food?"

"Yes, it was good. Thank you."

 

I have to leave the hotel tonight. It's the only way to end this. I'll see how to convince Jessica to cancel the pictorial. And then maybe look for a job outside the country. Away from Joohyun, as far as possible. "I'll go back to my room now. You must be tired."

"I still have to practice the script."

"Then, with the more reason I won't interrupt you. Goodnight."

 

One more step, open the door, and leave. Don't turn around. Don't ask her that. Don't do it.

"Joohyun?"

"Yes?"

"If I ask you to break up with your boyfriend, would you do that?"


	5. Cinco

I must be really out of my mind for doing this.

"Would you? Would you break up with him?"

Silence. Hesitation written all over her face.

As expected.

I get what Kangta represents in her life, what being his girlfriend and future wife implicates. But her saying _"I might not find love, but I'll be safe_." bugs me, no, it outrages me. The thought of Joohyun not being able to love and enjoy her sexuality as much as she wants to is horrifying.

"You don't love him, Joohyun. You're not even sexually attracted to him. You said so yourself. He's done a lot of things for you. It's true. But that doesn't mean he owns you. And neither do I. You said that he created this image of you for us to see, to admire, to desire, but never to touch, and yet... I dared to. I dared to crave for you. Worse, felt entitled to you. I have no right to do that. Nobody does."

"That's hard to believe when you're sold as every straight man's fantasy, you know?" She sneers. "When you're conscious that you are where you are because of your dumb pretty face, it's hard to believe anyone would care about me if I lose that. Did you know he insured my face for ten billions of won? It's hard to believe he doesn't own me when he's spent so much on me."

It hurts hearing her talk like that.

"You're not an object, Joohyun."

She shakes her head at my words, "You wanna know exactly why I looked for you again after that night at your apartment?"

"Why?"

"Because that night you made me feel like I wasn't one."

Why is she doing this to me? Why is she making me feel like _this_ again?

Like I'm the center of her universe.

It's too much for me.

"Joohyun, I-"

Her tender hand cups my chin, raising my face. Those precious eyes that I don't deserve staring into, warm me deep inside, their heat nesting in my heart.

"If I say 'yes, I'd break up with him', would you ask me to be your girlfriend, Seungwan?"

There's anticipation in her gaze. Saying 'no, I didn't mean that.', apologize for my impertinence and walk away is what I should do.

But is that what I want?

"You're scared, aren't you?" She ponders.

I don't know what to say.

"I've given you enough reasons to run away from me in a heartbeat. But instead, you call what we did, 'making love', you ask me to break up with my boyfriend. You worry about me despite the fact that I deceived you. I was right. You're a dream, Seungwan. My dream."

That sweet stare again...

"A dream? You think too highly of me. And I don't deserve it. I really don't. This whole situation feels like a rollercoaster, Joohyun. I don't know exactly what else I feel for you, other than an insatiable lust that blocks my ability to reason every time you're close to me. From the start, I kept telling myself to quit you. But I keep coming back to you. Like a drug addict. In all honesty, I would have asked you to be my girlfriend if you were free. Knowing that kills me. But we can't go back in time and we cannot keep doing this. So, if you want me with you... break up with him."

"Seungwan-" There're tears pooling in her eyes. No, please, please. Don't cry. You'll make me cry, too. I can't cry now. I need to let this out.

"Please, Joohyun, let's do this the right way. You said you wanted to date a girl. Well, I'm here. You can try it with me. Break up with him and date me. We'll keep it a secret. I know of gay people in the industry that do that. It's not impossible. We want each other. That's a start, right? Who knows? It could work. And if it doesn't--if it doesn't, then, you'll be free to choose someone else."

She frowns at my last words.

"No. I don't want that." She pulls me close, sliding her arms around my neck. "I don't want anybody else. I only want you."

She presses her lips against mine without warning.

They taste of tears. Streaming down her cheeks, oddly sweetening her kiss instead of souring it.

Her abrupt actions make us lose our balance, our bodies tumble, and we end up falling over the couch, briefly laughing at the situation.

My heart beats so fast. Is this really happening?

"Is that a 'yes'?"

"You and your obvious questions." Joohyun smiles against my lips, the pad of her fingers drawing invisible lines over my cheeks.

 

_"Only a fool, like fools before me... I always think with my heart..."_

Those lyrics come to mind timely as they depict me perfectly.

I'm a fool. A greedy fool.

Pleasuring her in bed is not enough for me anymore. I want the lust that consumes me to turn into something deeper. Something that resembles those pure feelings reflected vividly in her eyes.

But she has to be free for us to further develop our relationship.

"Seungwan, tell me I'm not dreaming. This can work, right? 'You and I' can work. Tell me it can work, please?" Imploring, searching for any sign of reassurance, she nests her head over the crook of my neck, while I hug her.

Only able to gently squeeze her forearm and peck her forehead, I try to convince her and myself that _us_ is possible.  

I want Bae Joohyun as _my_ girlfriend.

I ask too much from life. How pretentious of me.

Sunyoung would be very disappointed in me if she finds out.

 

\--

 

_"I think it's wiser for us to stay away from each other until you talk to him. Will you tell him about us?"_

_"No. Are you mad? He mustn't know it's because of you."_

_"But-"_

_"I'll deal with this on my own. He's convinced that you're just another friend that's taking care of me while I'm filming. It's better if your name stays out of it."_

_"I can't let you bear all of this alone."_

_"Seungwan, trust me, OK? It's the only way."_

The only way...

I left her room past twelve, promising I'll be with her while she films later today. Which means I need to wake up in less than four hours. To think she wanted me to spend what was left of the night in her bed. It was as if she had forgotten that I told her we have to avoid giving people clues about our affair. I don't blame her, though. It was hard to give up on the perfect opportunity to snuggle up with her under the blankets 'til dawn. 

The only way...

I sure hope he understands. And if he doesn't?

If he doesn't...

... I will make him understand... she chose me... she wants me... let her go... let her be with me.

"So, Miss Son, what do you think is Joohyun's best asset?"

"Her gorgeous breasts, of course."

"Oh! Really? Would you take a picture of them for me?"

Why is he asking me to do that?

"You'll sell out the copies of your magazine in a second. Everyone will see how great she looks. Everyone will know how much you enjoy exploiting her. Come on, Joohyun. Undress for her."

She is... why is she... don't-

"Seungwan... take me... take me now."

"Oh god... you're so... but he... he's watching us... stop...we-"

"I told you, Wan. I told you. Stay away from her. She's dangerous!"

I know! But- What?

What the heck did I just-ugh... My head hurts.

What time is it?

Six a.m.

I fell asleep.

Damn it.

 

I've dreamed fucked up shit before. But this... I don't even want to try to recollect...No, no, no, no, no. This is what happens when you don't sleep enough and do things you should not do.

Things like stealing the girlfriend of a powerful, multimillionaire CEO. Brilliant, Seungwan.Bravo! You're a fucking genius.

 

"Oh, Miss Son, you're here." Sohee looks surprisingly lucid this early in the morning. "Joohyun said you would come."

"Yeah. I fell asleep. Sorry."

"What happened yesterday?"

Oh no. She's asking questions now. "W-what you mean?"

"What did you tell her? Because after lunch, she nailed her scene in just one take. And today, she's in an incredibly good mood. First time ever since I started working with her, I'm not kidding. Everything is going great, she hasn't messed up any of her lines so far. Whatever you did, thank you!" Sohee shakes my hand effusively and shows me where Joohyun is.

My drop-dead gorgeous obsession is getting her make-up and hair retouched in between takes, checking her script and mumbling her lines, eyes closed.  

 

You, cutie. Does knowing I want you to be my girlfriend excites you _that_ much?

 

"Quiet on set. ' _Double Trouble in the Office_ ' Take fifteen! Roll camera in five, four, three, two..."

She takes a deep yet quick breath while closing her eyes for a second, and then turns around to face her co-star. That young actor - I don't remember seeing him in anything before - looks at her in such a way... It also happened when they filmed together yesterday. You would doubt he's acting when he holds her hands, when he caresses her cheek and tucks a falling strand of hair behind her ear.

The monitors show a close up of his face. His eyes are mesmerized by her beauty. Relatable. Do I look as stupid as he does when I stare at her?

Now a reverse shot lets me see her again. "Aren't you going to kiss me?" She asks him with that sultry, husky voice of hers, unhesitatingly offering her lips. And he loses no time.

I don't think he's acting at all now.

Sleazy prick.

"And Cut! Print!" At the sound of the director's command, she moves away in a heartbeat.

"Good job, Miss Bae." He compliments her curtly. She bows slightly before approaching the makeup artist.

Sohee wasn't exaggerating. Joohyun has improved. A lot.

Her voice, her facial expressions, her body language... for someone who confessed to be so put off by the male species, she's very straight passing.

"Joohyun was good, wasn't she, Miss Son?" Sohee wants to hear my opinion. 

"Yes, she was perfect."

She nods. "You said you'll be staying the whole week, right, Miss Son? Joohyun has a scheduled promotional interview time slot on Friday. She hasn't been specific about the pictorial she agreed on doing for you. But, I'm afraid, it's going to take some time before she's free for another big photoshoot. It seems like as soon as she is done with this project, she will start filming for the next movie of a popular blockbuster franchise. Mr. Ahn told me to push for things here to wrap up as fast as possible. Because, it was a big deal for him to get her one of the starring roles in the franchise. The director was reluctant to take her at first. Mr. Ahn is convinced that movies like that are essential to solidify her name in the industry, before her transition to more emotionally charged projects. To tell you the truth, Joohyun fought quite a lot to get this lighthearted role, because he didn't want her to accept it. It disrupted the path he's setting for her."

He truly exerts total control over her career. It's scary.

"How did she manage to convince him, then?"

"Actually, you helped her to."

"Me?"

"Yes, Miss Son. She told him about her relationship with you."

"She what?!"

"About your friendship-"

Ah... Don't scare me like that, girl. I almost had a heart attack.

"-he likes the idea of you being around her after he learned about your references and seeing how comfortable she was with you at the party."

Oh yeah, _comfortable_ ...

Sohee titters when she sees me laugh nervously. Oh boy! She has no idea. "I know he's quite intimidating. But you get used to it. There's nothing to worry about, Miss Son. He was right about the need of a close friend that helps Joohyun relax so she can think clearly and say her lines accurately on set. And you happen to be that person. That friend."

I'm Heaven sent, I know.

"Honestly, we need you with her right now."

 

_"I should leave tomorrow anyway. I know you asked for a week together. But if we stay apart while you set the record straight with your boyfriend as you're planning to, this missing week won't go to waste and we could be together for much, much longer, nothing standing in our way anymore."_

 

I wanted to tell Sohee that I won't be able to stay any longer, lie about having a sudden conflicting schedule but now she tells me this... God, I'm trying to be with Joohyun the right way. What do I do? Things will get more complicated if I stay.

"Is there any chance Kangta will come to see Joohyun on set these days?" My question is met with a disconcerted blinking of eyes. Obviously, Sohee did not expect it.

"Mr. Ahn? Hmm, he might. He's very busy these days. Well, he's always busy. I cannot tell you for sure. I don't know."

"I see..."

There's probably going to take more than a week before they can talk.

What do I do now? If I stay until Friday... If she's gonna take that long project right after. We won't have time to see each other at all.

Can I?

Even now, I see her approaching us and I wonder, can I pretend in front of her assistant? Can I resist her for the rest of the week?

I tried yesterday and failed miserably.

"Joohyun, what's the matter? What do you need?"

"I forgot my vitamins in my room. They're in a pink case over the nightstand. Can you please get them with a glass of water, Sohee? I'm gonna be called on set again in a moment."

While Sohee promptly obeys her request, Joohyun stays a moment beside me.

Our eyes meet and she smiles at me. I'll be dammed, hers has to be the most beautiful smile in the World. It is so sincere, so warm, so full of something so precious, I want it in my life for as long as possible.

"You're a great actress. You totally looked in love with him. That kiss was steamy."

She punches my forearm. It hurts. I know I deserve it, though.

"Don't mock me." She scolds me, an annoyed pout on her lips. "You have no idea how hard it was." She sighs looking clearly mortified and I regret my joke a bit.

"Sorry, sorry. I'm bad at making jokes. Would you forgive me if I say it actually made me feel jealous of him?"

Not really. It didn't affect me the way seeing her sex scene with Junmyeon did, for sure.

She gets serious and answers me by grabbing my left hand and stroking its back. "You're leaving after lunch, right? Thanks for coming to see me working so early in the morning. I didn't let you sleep enough."

I had a bad dream because of you. A really disturbing one.

"I'm afraid I won't be able to leave until Friday. Sohee won't let me escape."

"Really?" Her body jerks forward, I get the impression that she wants to hug me, but she holds herself back.

"You weren't lying. She, like your boyfriend, thinks we're the bestest friends ever."

"I'll tell her I changed plans. Don't worry. She won't bother you. You're free to leave." There's sadness in her voice. "I honestly wish you had stayed in my suite last night. Funny, we haven't done that yet, right? Sleeping together a whole night. I really wanna wake up with you next to me. But I don't want it to be just one time, or two."

"Joohyun..."

"I sent him a message early morning. He promised he will come to see me tonight. I can't wait any longer. I wanna be free for you."

Her determination is so admirable. Willing to fight for what she wants.

For me. For us.

My heart is racing again and I gasp for air, unable to speak another word.

She always manages to take my breath away.

 

"Here're your vitamins, Joohyun."

"Thank you, Sohee."

She gives me a last soft look and goes back to work. And I have to leave this place and go back to mine.

I asked for this. I better take it now or never.

The sooner, the better, right?

They will talk tonight.

He's got to agree... if he truly cares for her, he will let her go.

He has to let her go...he... why did he order me that? Why did I obey him? Why did I dream such monstrosity? I feel so heavy. Nightmares are a fucked up mess. A presentiment? That's absurd. Seungwan, don't be ridiculous.

It was just my conscience yelling at me, that's all. 

That's all...

 

**\---------**


End file.
